I Wish I Knew: 8 Things Women Want You to Know Before Perimenopause Hits

I remember the first time I Googled "Why do I feel so low?"

I didn’t get answers.
Just generic advice.
Drink more water. Get more sleep. Meditate.

Thanks, Google. Super helpful.

It wasn’t until I started talking to other women that the truth started to emerge.
And wow - once I asked, the floodgates opened.

When I posed the question to the Midlife Flow community - “What do you wish you knew before perimenopause started?”—the responses were raw, honest, and (honestly) heartbreaking.

There was a common thread woven through them all:

"Why didn’t anyone tell us?"

This post is a collection of truths - shared with the hope that you feel seen, understood, and far less alone in this phase of life. Whether you’re just entering perimenopause or knee-deep in the challenges, these stories and lessons might just become your lifeline..

1. It’s Not Just Hot Flashes and Missed Periods

I thought it’d be a few skipped periods and some sweating. No one mentioned the panic attacks and crying in Woolworths...”

So many of us assume perimenopause = hot flashes and maybe a late period or two.

But what about the brain fog?

The anxiety that shows up uninvited?

The tears over a broken dishwasher or the rage at a teaspoon left in the sink?

This hormonal shift is more than physical-it’s emotional, mental, existential.

What helps:

Start tracking what’s actually happening - your mood, your energy, your sleep.

Not just your cycle.

Awareness is your first act of power.

(Need help? I made a free tracker + mood journal - link below.)

2. You’ll Feel Like a Stranger in Your Own Body

“I kept thinking… why isn’t anything working anymore?”

You’re not broken.

You’re changing.

And what used to work - HIIT workouts, low-fat yogurt, pushing through - may stop working.

That doesn’t mean you’ve failed.

It means your body needs a new kind of support.

What helps:

More nourishment. Less punishment.

More rest. More protein. Fewer rules.

Way more self-compassion.

3. The Emotional Whiplash Is Real

“Some days I’m fine. Other days I don’t even recognize myself.”

This one came up again and again. We’re not just talking about a little moodiness - we’re talking full-on emotional swings. From laughing to crying to full-body rage. And all in one afternoon.

This is what hormones do when they shift suddenly and erratically. It’s not just in your head. But it is worth addressing.

What to do: Talk to someone.

A friend, a coach, a therapist, a Facebook group - just say it out loud.

(You’re not “too sensitive.” You’re human.)

4. It Can Last Years (Sorry)

“I thought this would be a few months. It’s been years.”

Yup. Two to ten years. That’s how long perimenopause can last. It’s not a sprint - it’s a marathon. Which means you need tools that work for the long haul, not just a quick fix.

What to do: Create sustainable rhythms - nourishing meals, stress management, sleep support. Think daily rituals, not one-off resets.

5. You’re Not Losing Your Mind - And You’re Definitely Not Alone

“I thought I was the only one falling apart. Turns out, half my friends were going through the same thing in silence.”

The relief that women feel when they find out this is normal? That’s what fuels this blog. You are not the only one who forgot what she walked into the room for. Or who snapped at her partner over a spoon.

What to do: Share your story. The more we speak up, the more we heal. (And the more we stop thinking it’s all in our heads.)

6. There Are Solutions - You Just Need to Find Yours

“Once I figured out what worked for me, things got so much better. But it took time.”

There is no one-size-fits-all.
What helped one woman might not work for you. And that’s okay.

Magnesium. Seed cycling. Functional foods. Nervous system support. Walking and strength training over HIIT workouts. Quiet mornings. There are so many tools-but no single one-size-fits-all answer.

What to do: Explore, experiment, stay curious. And don’t be afraid to ask for professional guidance to build a personalized plan.

7. You’ll Have to Advocate for Yourself (Especially With Doctors)

“I wish someone told me I needed to ask for hormone testing- my doctor never brought it up.”

This one made me furious.

So many women said they had to fight just to be taken seriously.

Hormone testing? Often ignored.

Symptoms? Chalked up to stress or depression.

Testing isn’t always offered unless you ask - and it can make all the difference. Knowing your hormonal landscape gives you clarity, and clarity is power.

What to do: Ask. Demand testing if you need to. You're not overreacting - you’re advocating for your future self. (I’ve got a checklist of what to ask your doctor: questions to ask your Doctor.

8. You Can Start Preparing Sooner Than You Think

“I wish I’d known in my 30s to get ready for this. I feel like I could’ve saved myself years of suffering.”

So many of us wish we’d known sooner how to support ourselves.

If you're reading this in your 30s - amazing. Start now.

If you're already in it - breathe. You're not behind.

What to do: Begin where you are.

Support your body the way you wish someone had shown you years ago.

It’s never too late to treat yourself better.

Final Thoughts: What If You Did Know?

Perimenopause isn’t just a hormonal phase - it’s a whole identity shift. It asks us to slow down, tune in, and make space for a different kind of wisdom to rise.

No one told us this would happen. But now that we know, we get to do it differently - for ourselves, and for the women coming up behind us.

💌 Want more stories, tools, and personal reflections like this?

Subscribe to the Midlife Flow monthly letter - a warm, real, and soulful guide to navigating perimenopause, one month at a time.

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Let’s make sure the next generation knows what we didn’t.